I Am Not A Daddy Blogger

Watch this video and replace Charles Barkley with me and the words “role model” with “daddy blogger”.

I just traded emails with someone who asked me to write for a daddy blogging (his adjective) site. I was flattered because anyone who’d want me to write anything for them is a compliment. I said no, because I’m unqualified.

I’m married. I have three children, all girls, aged almost 7, almost 8, and very much 15. I do post about what we do and how we do it, but it is meant for entertainment purposes only. Please, no wagering.

My wife, Bobina, previously photographed and often mentioned, tells me that people like to hear about what we do as a family and what I’m like as I dad. Maybe you will comment and support this idea, but I don’t see it. My parenting style is suspect, although the current results are good  http://sluiternation.com/2011/07/my-teenager-is-good-and-its-all-my-fault/ I wouldn’t recommend employing my techniques, unless you have really thick skin and good anxiety meds.

I’m a writer. I have been since I was my youngest child’s age. In the fourth grade I won a writing contest for a story about a little boy and his pet 50 foot snake. No, it wasn’t innuendo, it’s was metaphorical about wanting to have a brother. I had a younger sister. Since that epic tale of loneliness and hyperbole, I’ve written about anxiety, girls, booze, family, music, love, the lack of love, and now; marriage, my kids, music, anxiety and my creative oasis – fiction.

I don’t know how to shop efficiently. If you come to My Blog Can Beat Up Your Blog looking for tips on anything outisde of good music videos, fiction writing, red velvet cake, pumpkin pie, punk rock, sarcasm, anxiety, or how to stay out of A LOT OF trouble with women; move along, there is nothing to see here.

My kids are smart, funny, interesting, beautiful and completely nuts. I don’t know why they’re well behaved away from home and wild behind closed doors. My wife and I love them unconditionally. When finances allow, they get a lot of what they want, and all of what they need. If the FBDBI (the federal bureau of daddy blogging investigation) converged on my estrogen filled place in the Hill of Sugar, Georgia, they’d find a happy bunch with no idea of why we are this way. My family is like the New York Dolls or The Replacements or early Guns n Roses of homes – we don’t practice, we’re never on time, we’re always obnoxious, but when the lights go on we hit the stage, rock hard and people love us.

Walking the halls yesterday of the three schools for which my kids were doing their orientations, I noticed something blog worthy. Compared to the other parents, Bobina and I are kind of hot. That’s not something you’d read in a daddy blog.

Today’s song is from The Replacements. The dude at the beginning of this video is a genius named Paul Westerberg. he has the same social anxiety disorder taht I have but 100 times more talent. This song is kind of what it’s like in my head and inside our doors of the house, but it all works. If you ever want to come over and trade places with us, you’re welcome. I thought about using The Ramones We’re A Happy Family, but there’s a line “Daddy likes men”. That’s not true and if I were going to be gay, I’d be honest. The line “i dreamt i was surfer joe, what that means I don’t know” is so brilliant, I have to play this song. Here’s I’ll Be You.