The only thing I feared was the light of day. It showed what I didn’t want anyone to see. I’d gone too far. Going to class meant sitting in the back of the room, wearing sunglasses, and wanting the night to come. I ran across campus to pay her a visit. She made me feel bulletproof.
The mirror was an enemy. I cut my hair short so I didn’t need to look. The only people I interacted with were conduits to her. It started as a Thursday night thing. That was party night at college. Months of worshiping her changed every day into Thursday night.
I tried to keep going. I woke up with her . I saw her at lunch. I didn’t go to sleep at night, with her. Finally I saw her in the light of day. I don’t remember how I opened my bloodshot eyes, but the wreck she’d made my life was obvious. I woke up on the floor of a place I didn’t know. My chest burned. My head was a hole. She didn’t care. She wanted me to want her more. The crash was sudden and it was devastating. The wreckage was my mind, my body and my soul.
I ran away. No, that’s wrong. I slinked away, like a thief, stealing my life back in shadows of the night that owned me.
She was a white demon I called snowflake. She wasn’t a woman at all.
Today we’re trying a little something different. Are you ready? Your word is below. Take the next ten minutes to write about the first single memory that word calls up. Focus on the emotions and the experience, spend ten minutes really exploring that memory. Then wrap it up, publish, and come back to link up.
Today’s song is one that played a lot when I went through this time. Here’s Nine Inch Nails’ Head Like A Hole. The lyrics are perfect.