The broken street light cloaked her entrance into the Three Bears Motel. The clerk, a half-asleep dark-haired man in his early twenties, jumped to attention as a tall blonde with sexy blue eyes stood before him carrying a grey backpack and a coal-black suitcase. She gripped both like mama bear toting her cubs. She spoke in with a deep husk, either affected by sickness or bad habits.
“I need a room, smoking, and I’m paying cash, okay?”
The clerk found the proper form and punched in the number three on the key card reader. He smiled and tried to flirt.
“Wow, you’re probably the prettiest person I’ve ever seen check into this place. You must be from out-of-town.”
Her eyes stayed on the on the suitcase while her hands trembled like leaves in a March wind. The clerk, too young and clueless to see her state, kept talking.
“So where ya from? I mean, well, I guess I could just read what you write on this paper.”
His goofy grin just pissed her off. She snapped.
“I’m paying cash, you don’t need to know anything else! Just give me the key card!”
He picked up the card and held it between his skinny fingers and snarled back at her.
“Montana state law says I must have a written record of every person staying in this hotel. So listen Goldilocks, I need this job. Make up a name. I don’t give a damn. But fill out the paperwork and go be a bitch in room three.”
She shot laser beams at ice blue hate through him. Her twitching left hand picked up a black ink pen and started writing. For that one cool, cruel night Goldilocks Jones from Las Vegas, Nevada was a guest of The Three Bears motel in Lincoln, Montana. The written record said so.
Goldilocks made her way to room three. The overwhelming odor of cigarette smoke, lysol, and despair was familiar. Two beds separated by a lamp on a nightstand populated the space. She sat her backpack on one bed and the dark suitcase on the other. Those items were more important than she was, she thought, as she sat in floor with her back to the nightstand. It felt right, whatever right was on this day.
She pulled off her dark blue hoodie, Her dirty, ripped blue jeans followed. Wearing only a faded Nirvana t-shirt and white panties she stood over the suitcase and swallowed hard.
“My whole pathetic life in one black box.”
Goldilocks opened it and tears flowed over her pale, gaunt face. Her hands shook even more as she examined its contents.
“I should’ve stayed in Vegas. This isn’t me, I’m not good girl, but I’m not a bad one, either.”
She moved over to the backpack and reached inside the front pocket. Three pill bottles were scooped up and she set them on the floor where she assumed the position of her back against the nightstand. She took a pill from each bottle. The first one was bitter, the second one was somewhat sweet, the third one had no taste, and she liked it best. Goldilocks closed her eyes and murmured.
“I need to dream something wonderful.”
The next time she opened them, three large men stood over her . Her dream was over. One of the men barked orders to the other two.
“Get the suitcase and whatever drugs she has in the backpack. I’ll take care of the Goldilocks that robbed our casino.”
Goldilocks whimpered.
“I’m sorry I stole the suitcase. I’m sorry for how I lived my life. “
The large man didn’t respond. One of the other men handed him the pill bottles. Goldilocks stared at the containers and responded.
“Don’t worry, I’ll take them all. Just let me have one more wonderful dream.”
****blogger’s note****
This is a very special Blossom err, episode of My Blog Can Beat Up Your Blog. Trifecta writing asked for a take on the Goldilocks and The Three Bears. I’ve been writing some noir style stuff and I thought I’d try this. http://www.trifectawritingchallenge.com/
I’ve used Nirvana’s About A Girl before, but it was a sweet post about my daughters. I used the electric version. This time, since this is completely different, we’ll go with the threesome of Kurt, Dave and Krist, unplugged. Here’s About A Girl.
I almost felt like I stepped into her skin in this one, shaking and wide-eyed and nervous. Great take, Lance.
thank you KIm…off to read yours
This is where my Goldi is headed if she doesn’t get her act together. I like the darker take on this. Well done!
it’s me, you ahd to expect dark. thanks, mel
Really interesting take. I like how the clerk calls her ‘Goldilocks.’ I also like how the third pill tasted just right – haha!
thanks libby, good have have a new reader
Now, was that so hard? I agree about the three pills. Excellent. And ending with that Nirvana trio was perfect.
it was pretty hard. if or got to get her to smoke. Ray Chandler or Mickey Spillane would kick my butt.
Loved it! And now I must dust off my Nirvana CDs to play all their songs and dream about my college days!
sounds like a perfect night. Nirvana was college for me too – 88-93
stupid porridge.
porridge, oxycontin, whatever
thanks
Love the three pills, and the three goons.
And the noir-ness. Yay!
i know you love noir…so glad you appreciate this
You met the prompt with arms wide open, and embraced the darkness through your character well.
isn’t the original goldilocks dark? she breaks in and enters then runs off. she a damn cat burglar
LOL, well yes, I suppose she is.
A gritty re-telling. I like the bit about the pills and how they tasted… like the porridge in the original.
thank you. as i said to Marian, prridge, prescription meds, potato potahtoe
I like how all she wants to do is sleep.
Goldilocks is one gal I never tackled in my fairytale series.
it was hard to write. thanks
Hmm… we’ve both got Nirvana, women, and clandestine escapes on the brain today. Nice work on a prompt I didn’t even attempt. Not out of laziness, but a truly blank idea slate.
great minds are crazy alike
Dark! Love it, and fairy tales always have 3s in them , you notice that?
eden
yes. I used three throughout the whole things. There’s like 30 characters in this story. thanks, you
Oh no! I’d say she suffered. I really don’t think they let her out on taking the pills. No, I have a feeling she was made an example of. Shudder. One note: Missing a word in “She a pill from each”.
thank you
luuuurvd it! new follower right here!
excellent…i so dig new people
Nice take on the prompt, Lance — very dark. You’ve been very clever with the way you’ve twisted this story and as a result, it’s a unique response. Nice job.
great compliment coming from u. i struggled w this one
Real good atmosphere! Has that right noirish touch, and with a female lead as opposed to ‘femme fatale.’ And, Montana? Woah!
thanks joe, cool to have a new reader. There really is a Three Bears Motel in Lincoln, Montana.
thanks, I was worried you would think it was too dark and stuff. I had a hard time with it.
Freaking fantastic take on the fairy tale…awesome, Lance…LOVED it!
i knew you’d like it. thank you.
Noir is fun, and this is well-done. But may fave line isn’t really part of the noir: “It felt right, whatever right was on this day.” I think this little insight into Goldilocks makes her so much more real. What’s “right” emotionally, physically, ethically. The fact that these things change for her tells us so much!
yeah, i liked that line too. It shows her character, whatever that is.