Last time with Helene Troy:
http://lancemyblogcanbeatupyourblog.wordpress.com/2012/05/24/bound-for-the-floor/
Mustard smudged the corners of Helene and Sadie’s mouths after they inhaled the last bites of their hot dogs. Sadie smiled at their messy faces. Helene pulled the half empty bottle of Bushmills whiskey from her tattered backpack. They exchanged sips while sitting on the curb.
“Sadie, I’m really glad your roommates agreed to let you keep most of our gear at your apartment. It’s getting to be like a crack house at mine and Darcy’s place.”
Sadie hadn’t swallowed enough to allow a response. After another mutual drink of Bushmills, Darcy and Mara approached. Mara tossed a black and white flyer advertising another band’s show. It landed face up on the street grate by Helene’s Doc Marten booted feet.
“Look at this bullshit. Superfluous Force is saying we’re opening for them, Thursday night.”
Helene realized Darcy had forgotten to call the club owner to secure a good time slot. If would appear to the people attending that Slipper Socks Medium was supporting Superfluous Force, a band they despised. Helene’s deep green eyes narrowed in a vicious glare toward Darcy. Darcy pulled a cigarette from the back pocket of her blue jeans then leaned within inches of Helene’s sweat glistened face. With a gentle wipe of her right thumb, Darcy removed the mustard from Helene’s lips.
“I thought you were calling them, Leney? It’s no big deal. Mara’s been fooling around Superfluous Force’s manager. We’ll figure out a way to get over on those assholes.”
Helene rolled her eyes, stood up, then collected her backpack and two guitar cases. Disgusted with Slipper Socks Medium’s slow decay, she turned her back to the women and started walking to the nearest train station. Darcy caught up to her and tried a sly smile.
“Leney, come on, don’t be mad? I’ll make it up to you.”
Helene turned around, tossed her long brown hair away from her face, and gritted her teeth.
“It’s bad enough I have to do everything, Darse. What’s worse is you expecting it. Don’t fucking talk to me until Thursday.”
****blogger’s note****
This is another story episode, from the reworked opening chapters, of The Ballad of Helene Troy. You can find the rest of the story, so far, here:
http://lancemyblogcanbeatupyourblog.wordpress.com/the-ballad-of-helene-troy/
It is also a response to Trifecta Writing “Decay” word challenge.
http://www.trifectawritingchallenge.com/
Today’s song is what was playing in my head when I wrote this. It would also play in Helene’s head as she walked to the train. Here’s Social Distortion’s Don’t Take Me For Granted.
Another great stretch for Helene
thank you k….
Excellent – I’m starting to see the fissures between Mara and Darcy now, so that I’ll be prepared when Darcy gets pitched but Mara stays. Two things
1) and grit her teeth – gritted
2) This feels a little like ‘as you know Bob’ — “Sadie, I’m really glad your roommates agreed to let you keep most of our gear at your apartment. It’s getting to be like a crack house at mine and Darcy’s place.” I get the need for the line, and I’m not sure how I would tweak it, but it struck me wrong both times I read through.
Other than that, I love the episode, and I particularly like the use of decay to describe the band’s fall to ruin.
weird thing is, this was written weeks ago and i didnt have to tweak it, decay was already there. thanks for the other concrit.
As I read these “back in the beginning” posts, I am amazed that Helene stays with the band as long as she does.
see…glad i redid it
Darcy has a little more depth here, it’s nice.
thank you! i agree…there’ more coming this week with her and mara…should fill in some blanks
That moment when nothing that person says is going to make it better…you nailed it here. Decay is such a good word for watching a relationship come apart at the seams…it’s not one moment or one day it’s a gradual wasting away and I see that with Darce and Helene in every silence….the last line is perfect, I heard her say it.
I like the use for decay — it seems totally appropriate here given the way they’re slowly falling apart. Well done!
As you know, I think your reworking of the beginning is fantastic. It adds so much texture to the story I’ve read so far.
eden
The cracks are widening between the band. I’m with Eden, I like this backstory, makes the story much richer.
I love the image of them sitting on the curb trading swigs from the bottle. Also really like the pulling of the cigarette from teh back pocket. Only a thought – wouldn’t it be awfully crushed if she’s sitting?
talk about livin la vida with a rough demeanor, as much as these ladies seem to pull-off the class A idontcare attitude, the band’s name is quite the humorous contradiction. i think i may look into what else has been going on with this Helene.
As others have said: seeing the back story unfold is great. It makes everything that come after so much more interesting.
I had a bit of trouble when Mara dropped the flyer at Helene’s feet and was so angry about the band but then Darcy makes a comment that because of Mara’s relationship with a manager with that same evil band so really…how pissed can she be?
It’s a bit confusing
good concrit….editing this was hard. I left out 15 sentences that would explain some things.
Thanks for linking up with Trifecta this week. I love that this piece already included the word. I also love the way you’ve managed to write something that allows you to create band names. It’s a favorite pastime of mine.
Nice job! See you back soon.
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