Bouncing Off The Walls


Sometimes the panic attacks are the only things that feel real. Everything else is like a bad movie I don’t know how to direct to act in but I’m hurrying to find out what happens while the cinematography is beautiful.

I sat in my car today gripping the steering wheel so tight, large drops of sweat fell on my faded jeans. I hate the pills. They’re an excuse. I didn’t take them. I waited like my cat when I go to the closet where her food is kept.

I got through this one. Maybe I’ll be even better next time.

****blogger note****

This is a personal reply to my friend Velvet’s 100 Word Challenge. Her word to use was “HURRYING”. http://www.velvetverbosity.com/

New episodes of Soul To Body, Helene Troy and Dead Money with Tara, Millicent, and Pauley will be along between tomorrow and Monday morning. Thanks for reading.

***editorial note*** – my life is good, I just have mental illness. Thank goodness for my family

Today’s song is something you should listen to because it rocks. It’s special to me because it’s what I go through sometimes, when the illness kicks me in the face repeatedly. Here’s Sugarcult’s anxiety themed Bouncing Off The Walls. Play it loud, it works better that way.

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47 responses to “Bouncing Off The Walls

  1. I’ve actually learned to talk with my panic attacks — I feel them coming on, but I make a deal . . . “hey, come back in an hour, I can deal with you then.” Most of the time, the approach works.

    I think it’s because I’ve come to grips as a person who talks to himself.

  2. I’ve written through them before. Even when you’re in the car, you can grab a receipt or a napkin and start scribbling, stream of consciousness. Sometimes it works, sometimes not. The big thing I do is try not to fight them. I sort of close my eyes and “welcome” the shortness of breath or the hard heartbeat. I guess, mentally, allowing them to happen instead of fighting against it. Either way, I know you’re not looking for answers, it’s an annoying habit I have ;-) You are stronger than they are.

  3. I so admire your courage in talking about this. I cannot imagine what it must be like. thank you for sharing something so personal. and you’re right….playing it loud is always better!

  4. My chest feels clenched. My mother suffered with these when I was young, but didn’t talk about it and never said what was causing her reaction, so as an adult, I’m extremely interested when people talk openly about them. I’m so sorry you suffer with this, yet, I think this piece of writing is one of my favorites.

  5. I’ve had my share, though when they stretch into days without a pause, is it still just an attack? Before I knew much about what was going on, I was live, in the public, on the air, having attacks like that on a regular basis. Sucks does not even begin to describe the feeling I had. They happened so often, and for such long periods of time, that just an inkling that it might start again could create a full blown venture into the world of over amplified living.

    This song was a perfect choice. You know that our musical tastes are diametrically opposed, so I hope you take this the way it is meant. I listened because it was “special” to you, I understood it because the feeling is familiar… but Lance, that song makes my body feel like it does when an attack is present. Maybe you ought to try my side of the musical fence for awhile ;-)

    Here’s one to take you to another place… if you should choose to go :-)

  6. My soon to be 19 year old son visited the ER twice in December of his freshman year in high school. He/We thought he was having a heart attack the first time. The second time we were just terrified. We learned that the physical symptoms he exhibited were true and real but we needed to address the underlying reasons for his panic attacks. With time, we/he did. I’ve never been so scared in my life. I appreciate your openness!

  7. I had them during my pregnancies because I have a genetic configuration that causes miscarriages; I stayed terrified. I still get them on occasion. My arms and legs get all gelatinous, as well. Terrifying. Thanks for sharing. You are not alone…

  8. I had no idea. Thank you for sharing this with us. And by the way, if you’re interested in a non-pill remedy you should look into neurofeedback. I’m not sure if it works with panic attacks but I know it does with anxiety. The best part is that it helps to rewire your brain a little at a time, rather than just medicating it. Hugs!

  9. Having had ONE and quickly gobbled a valium every time I felt the POSSIBILITY of another coming since then, you’re a better man than I am Gunga Din.

  10. My son has certain ‘tells’ when he is in panic mode. I’ve learned to pick up on those and we try to talk him through it. It’s a struggle sometimes.

  11. Anxiety blows. Your other commenters have some great ideas, so I’ll let them handle that. :-) I like what you said about hating the pills. I hate the pills, too. Seems that when I’m on them, I’m trying to get off of them. And when I’m off them, I’m always asking myself if it would be easier if I were on them.

  12. My husband has panic attacks. The first one scared me to death because I didn’t know what was wrong. He takes medication for them now and I’m grateful for that, for his sake and our family’s. I understand not taking meds, too. It’s a personal decision. Glad you’re doing what’s best for you. Good luck!

    • i take the meds most of the time. I’m on them right now. Please tell your husband he’s not alone. mental illness is awful but support from our spouses, my wife and you to him, is a must. thank you.

  13. Nice little piece! I too suffer from panic attacks as well as anxiety and Bipolar Disorder and OCD for that matter. I have had many trips to the ER with chest pains, etc. I can’t take meds though. I took something supposed to calm me down and it just increased the anxiety. I have had to learn to “breathe” through them and well talk to myself LOL!

  14. Lance,
    My heart goes out to you, dear. I know what those bastard things feel like…
    Yes. Next time will be better….because you know what to expect.
    Saying a prayer for you. X

  15. I really hate the panic attacks….but I have to say I have almost cured myself by talking myself down from the ledge…I just say “Ok – it’s only a panic attack….it’s just because you are very crazy…..everything is going to be ok.” and it actually works…..
    Good luck!!!

  16. Ya know – whatever works for you with them! As long as you’re satisfied with how your life and your coping skills work for them, that ‘s what counts. I work in the behavioral health field and that’s what I teach my kids all the time. Glad to hear you’re managing.

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