Last time with this story: http://lancemyblogcanbeatupyourblog.wordpress.com/2013/01/30/light-of-day/ & http://lancemyblogcanbeatupyourblog.wordpress.com/2013/02/01/dude-write-100-word-song-strength/
The air inside the Cutlass was stale and warm, like a YMCA lockeroom. I could smell Gulf Coast salt as I drove past the Port Charlotte, Florida city limits sign. After sleeping most of the past hour, Olive stirred. I saw sweat on her arm through the pale shadows so I turned on the car’s weak air conditioning. We were a half hour away from our new path in life.
“Silas, I gotta pee and call Zola. Are there any quarters in the ashtray?”
Seeing a Phillips 66 sign between two street lights, I pulled through a mud puddle and cozied the car next to a gas tank. I reached inside my jeans and pulled out fifty cents. One of the coins stuck to my thumb because of dried blood.
“I’ll get gas while you call ahead, Olive. Try using the dirty quarter.”
I took a ten dollar bill from my wallet to get the car’s tank filled by half a tank and whatever she wanted. Olive leaned over and kissed me. She bit her lower lip and purred.
“Get me some peanuts to drop in my coke. I’ll see if Zola and her boyfriend have something we can sample when we get to Ft. Myers.”
I knew what that meant but ignored it and got out of the car to pump. A bank across the street showed two minutes before midnight. I wanted sleep. Deep down, I believed sunrise would make us things better and different.
I heard Olive giggling on the payphone. Her laughter was sexy, like Marilyn Monroe in Some Like It Hot. It also lamplit trouble. I finished pumping gas then headed inside the small station. A man around fifty-years-old stood behind the register. His weather-beaten face peered over a comic book stand and chewing gum displays. Fleetwood Mac played over old speakers. I put Olive’s coke and peanuts on the counter. The cashier mumbled.
“So ya’ll on your honeymoon?”
I laughed and answered.
“No sir. We’re just passing through.”
*****blogger’s note****
Iw as going to get back into Soul To Body today but it’s the 36th anniversary of Rumours, the Fleetwood Mac album, released February 4, 1977. Gold Dust Woman is the “closer” on the record so I had to find a place for it and it fits this story, Light of Day because of the prompt – “path” by Trifecta Writing http://www.trifectawritingchallenge.com/
Here’s Gold Dust Woman:
Rumours is still one of my favorite albums, I think I was around 14 when it came out. Peanuts and Coke takes me back to the day too.
It’s suthun thing ain;t it, Tar Rah?
It’s one of my favorites too.
Perfect track for noir. The uneasy attraction between these two makes for great tension.
i know! i had to use it and use this story…music commands it. thanks
A very good piece! Well done!
thanks joe
This story is getting better and better…. And I love the song.
I love the fast pace; it hooked me right away.
thanks I hope you read the other two entries – only 533 words between them
I did and enjoyed them both. Reminds me so much of my youth, but mine wasn’t murderous. It’s like I know those characters.
thanks, mine too! and we don’t know they killed somebody….yet
Hmm…I suppose they could have robbed somebody. Will you continue writing this piece?
yes i will
I’ll go back and catch the rest of the story. Wonderful imagery.
That is definitely not a honeymoon. I’m starting to squirm on Silas’ behalf; this just seems like it is going nowhere good.
not at all…thanks
Payphones and $10 for gas, a Coke, and a snack… those were the days.
January 1989 to be exact…thank you!
Lance, this is fantastic writing. You have such a talent for using details to make the reader feel like she’s right there, not to mention your absolutely realistic dialog.
thanks christine…i have to kep up with you, over there
Got your Noir goin’ on… ‘A bank across the street showed two minutes before midnight’… Nice. Silas better dump Olive.
Damn… haven’t heard “Gold Dust Woman” in a long time.
thank you…I love noir very much.
The little details and bits of dialogue…ugh, I’m jealous okay (:
I would’ve read more of this. I like the dialogue and the details. Man, I wish I could get half a tank of gas from ten bucks today!
Rumours! I still have that down in my box. Probably warped by now. I need to find out what that relationship is all about!
thanks
Rhythm of the sentences keeps us there in that honeymooning (haha) hellhole. I like Olive.
thanks…wow, I’m surprised, but that’s a good thing
Very transporting… The Rumors anniversary makes me feel old(!), but growing older beats the alternative…
Nice job!
Dried blood-wonder where that came from?Olive seems like she is upto some real mischief-he better stay away from Ft Meyers & maybe her too;-)Good one,Lance
Yeah, I’m enjoying this story, and all the details/memories, like the old Cutlass, (mine broke down on the way to buy a better car). And Rumours, I think I played that in my car for four years. Very cool!
I like how you’ve fleshed out the characters a bit more, and loved the subtle thread of tension throughout. As if everything could unravel in a flash.