Bodies


Last time with Helene Troy: https://lancemyblogcanbeatupyourblog.wordpress.com/2011/12/14/only/

Their mouths danced with each others while the rest of their bodies became clumsy. Helene shoved the taller Ramona into the refrigerator. Ramona pushed the lighter Helene back into the bar without breaking their connection.  Helene’s full lipped mouth left the lock up for a moment to yell out in pain, “ahhhh”.

“Oh Leney, are you alright? Don’t move!”

Ramona stared into Helene’s burning green eyes, re-embraced her and instructed “3…2….1…” . Together they dropped to the kitchen floor, rolling precisely into a few feet of space. Again, they kissed passionately. As Helene rolled on top of Ramona, she kicked a cabinet and Ramona’s half empty Stella Artrois fell, splashing onto Helene’s back. She pulled away and grimaced at her wet t-shirt and the spilled beer.

“Shit, Ramona, I’m sorry.”

Ramona threw her arms around Helene’s lithe figure. She slipped her long fingers under Helene’s long brown hair, cupping the back of her head and aggressively pulling her down.

“It’s okay, just don’t stop, Leney.”

The door bell rang. They ignored it and continued kissing and touching, momentarily hitting body parts on features of the kitchen. The door bell rang again. Helene put he hands on each side of Ramona’s waist and pushed herself up, running her left index finger down Ramona’s chest, stopping at the top of her jeans.. She could barely speak between stuttering pants.

“…R…Ra….Mona, it’s the cab driver. Want…me to…”

Ramona sat up quickly, kissed Helene deeply, then released..

“Gu….Ga…Go….Go grab another shirt, Leney. I’ll open the door. There’s time for this later, I hope?”

Helene pushed herself up and stood over Ramona with a conquering pose. She bit her bottom lip, pulled off the beer stained Pretenders’ t-shirt, threw it to the floor and slowly strutted into the bedroom.

****blogger’s note***

This is my answer to Write on Edge’s Red Writing Hood Friday prompt: This week, write a post – fiction or creative non-fiction – which begins with a countdown. “Three, two, one.” You pick what the countdown is for. Use your imagination and have fun with it!  I used my imagination and put the countdown a few sentences in. I doubt anyone complains. We’re keeping the word limit to 300 to help you all not only edit yourselves, but also support your fellow community members by making it easier to read more link-ups.

Write On Edge: Red-Writing-Hood

It is also a new Helene Tory story episode. You can find the the rest of her, so far, here: https://lancemyblogcanbeatupyourblog.wordpress.com/the-ballad-of-helene-troy/

Today’s song – Drowning Pool – Bodies. Because I said so…listen to it as you read…it’ll work.

22 responses to “Bodies

  1. I gotta ask: did you watch some lesbian porn before you wrote this? ;)

    It’s pretty hot, I must say. There are a few places it doesn’t seem to flow, like in the beginning when they slam into furniture and neither seems to notice but Helene lets out a yell?

    And why stay in the kitchen, with all the dangers? Maybe have them stumble through the apartment to collapse onto a couch? Couches are much more passionate looking in lesbian porn LOL

  2. I’m going to need to fan myself after this one…WOW. That was sexy and tense, I love the angst of that kind of affection. Plus the two girls made it more so.

    Really nice job, *Still fanning myself* :)

  3. Nicely done! (even with the countdown later in the piece.) Something about this:

    Ramona pushed the lighter Helene back into the bar. Neither stopping the affection.

    doesn’t work exactly right for me. I don’t know if it’s the word affection or the separate sentences. Maybe something like: Ramona pushed the lighter Helene back into the bar without breaking their connection. ???

    Affection seems too calm for the heat between the two of them.

    And the end, with the saunter? Love it.

  4. If you’re going for that teeth-clicking, awkward tussle of a moment, you got it. The others have picked up on the few word choices that jarred me out of what was a pretty hot moment, so I’m just going to say, “whew!”

  5. First…. I love the song! One of my favorites of all time and I knew that it was the song you were referring to when I read the title!

    Now the content…. hot, steamy, and so sexy! How they pulled away from one another is beyond me.

  6. *fanning myself* Whew. Dude, that was hot. What a countdown! I have nothing to add that wasn’t already said, except that your next few segments can’t come fast enough.

    Oh…I do have one: When helene mentions the cab, the way Ramona stutters to get back down to earth is absolute perfection. It really is. Ohhh this is an intense piece!

  7. YAY! Oh I love this. I like that the most important part about this is the realism of a quick, unplanned, uncoordinated clinch that ends up with elbows in chests and someone’s eye getting poked out. :-) I don’t think I would have enjoyed the typical romantic encounter between these two, it wouldn’t have felt right.

  8. Wow. Well done! I can only echo those about who praised the realness of the clumsy passion.

    Going back to reread this a couple of times….;)

  9. “Helene pushed herself up and stood over Ramona with a conquering pose.”

    This is just an awesome sentence. I love the imagery that comes with the words here, because where before Ramona seemed to be the dominant, it all changes with that pose.

    Excellent choice for the song, too!

  10. Based on the title, I actually clicked through from Reader intending to make a snarky comment about how you should’ve ended the post with Drowning Pool (not sure why I assumed you wouldn’t have paired that song with a fiction post). Anyway, I’m super pleased to be wrong on that. Good choice!

    • thanks for all the great comments on this one everyone. I wrote a touch out of my comfort zone but it’s where the story was ready to go…..

      I had Drowning Pool in mind from the start…

  11. Pingback: Better Days « My Blog Can Beat Up Your Blog

  12. The comments you get on your blog crack my ass up. Lesbian porn. Ha! Probably you don’t want feedback a year later, but I liked it. I think it was most successful, actually, where the detail was the finest. I wasn’t a huge fan of the clumsiness (though I’m not sure I was supposed to be) but you had me with the finger trailing down to the jeans.

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