Bound For The Floor


Last time with Helene Troy: https://lancemyblogcanbeatupyourblog.wordpress.com/2012/05/03/the-denial-twist/

Helene struggled with the oppressive New York City August heat. Sun bore down on the summitt of her friend Sadie’s Hell’s Kitchen apartment building. Slipper Socks Medium’s band practice had become tiresome. Helene glared at Darcy and Mara who lit fresh cigarettes, drank beer and talked about their plans for later.

“I’m done, girls. We got three songs down and a set list for Thursday’s gig.”

Helene unplugged her guitar. Still gripping the instrument, she walked to the chipped brick edge of the roof and peered over the intersection of 48th Street and 8th Avenue. Sweat pooled over her tired hands. She watched construction workers getting off from work walk into Social Bar. Sadie’s voice carried over her shoulders.

“From up here, this damn city actually looks possible doesn’t it?”

Helene refused to turn around for fear of crying in front of her band mates.

“Sade, this place is two different towns. One’s for the people who are trying to live here and the other one’s for the people like us, who are dying to live here. New York’s going to belong to me if it fucking kills me.”

Car horns bounced off building walls. The whistles of policeman directing afternoon traffic tweeted throughout the warm air. Helene saw a green, yellow and red Nathan’s hot dog cart.

“Come on Sadie. Let’s make those other two pack up our stuff. I’ll get a couple of hot dogs and we can work on the the lyrics we didn’t get to earlier.”

 ****blogger’s note****

This is a new story episode of my work in progress, The Ballad of Helene troy. You can find the rest of the story, so far, here https://lancemyblogcanbeatupyourblog.wordpress.com/the-ballad-of-helene-troy/ This 250 words is part of the reworked beginning. It kind of sorta goes with this week’s “Location” writing prompt from Write On Edge – http://writeonedge.com/2012/05/red-writing-hood-location-location-location/ 

Today’s song is really good. It’s the kind of thing Helene would listen to and play. Local H was an underrated 90s era band with great guitar work and depressing songs. Here’s the riff heavy lyric downer, Bound For The Floor. Perfect for this installment.

36 responses to “Bound For The Floor

  1. “Sade, this place is two different towns. One’s for the people who are trying to live here and the other one’s for the people like us, who are dying to live here. New York’s going to belong to me if it fucking kills me.” That really says it all–love it!

  2. I immediately thought of “Empire State of Mind”. “From up here, this damn city actually looks possible doesn’t it?” The possibilities. Hope.

  3. Okay, don’t smack me, but the line that keeps coming to the forefront to me is this: “Car horns bounced off building walls.” This was a great line, and my eyes were drawn to it at least 5 times. Leave it to me to be in New York with Helene, and still pay attention to the car horns ;-)

  4. I love NYC ..like well a lover. I could see, hear and smell it and while I am sitting here looking at a beautiful boat marina on a beautiful bay (I love the beach too) I am suddenly yearning …yep that’s the word, for my “other home”.

    I hardly thought about Helene’s story today…all I felt was the pull of the Big Apple, the reasons people like me give themselves to it completely.

    I liked it…did you get that from this convuluted comment?? LOL sorry!

  5. Ha! This is SO New York! This line in particular is great: “Sade, this place is two different towns. One’s for the people who are trying to live here and the other one’s for the people like us, who are dying to live here. New York’s going to belong to me if it fucking kills me.” AND it is so revealing of character. Definitely makes me want to get to know her. Good work!

  6. You really brought the city to life and I definitely felt the bustle of it. One little piece of concrit, the first paragraph didn’t flow for me as well as the rest. Once I got into it though, it was so beautifully done.

  7. I love the use of the setting in this piece. And the quote about it being two different towns speaks volumes about NY, as well as the characters. Great job.

    Editing: The names of the streets should be capitalized: “Street” and “Avenue”. Also, the first paragraph felt very cluttered to me. It doesn’t fit the flow of the rest of the piece. And your blogger’s note has a typo in “story”. ;)

  8. This is some of the strongest work, from a craft perspective, that I’ve read from you. There’s a lot of tight, visceral imagery here, and smooth, clean copy. Add that to Helene’s appeal as a character, and you nailed it.

  9. You set the scene for a hot, sticky, tumultuous time. The weather, the traffic, the obvious annoyance Helene has with her band mates and the closer friendship with Sadie are all dribbled out setting the stage for what is to come.

  10. I’ve only been to NY once, and my memories are a bit different from what you display, but I only spent a day, and it was a walk down Broadway, a visit to FAO Schwartz (where we spent most of our time anyway. I was a kid, LOL) and central park. You really bring the city to life for me. I am hoping to get my own first hand experience before the summer is over this year. I can’t wait to hear the horns bouncing off the walls.

  11. NYC is one of my fave cities in the world. You captured the essence of what makes it exciting – the noise, the heat, and the raw determination of the people who live there.
    eden

  12. I could feel the noise of NYC … it has it’s own personality as oppressive, or inviting, as the heat and the hustle. I thought you were going to veer sentimental on us, but Sadie pulls Helene back in the nick of time.

  13. I’ve never been to NYC but you certainly paint a clear picture of at least a little part of it. Well done! I love how you mixed the dialogue into a great description of the scene.

  14. I want to be standing there with them. The policemen directing traffic jarred me, as it’s a detail I can’t imagine seeing in real life here (unless there is a power outage). I can smell the hot dog and car exhaust. Well done.

  15. I think you did such a great job here of crafting the pull of New York, as Helene says:

    One’s for the people who are trying to live here and the other one’s for the people like us, who are dying to live here.

    Helene is such a compelling character, but I like that the city really took center stage here, giving her a backdrop for her dreams.

    This is really tightly written; you used your words wisely :)

  16. Pingback: Don’t Take Me For Granted « My Blog Can Beat Up Your Blog

  17. As always – beautiful job. I love how you show the city through their eyes’ rather than just describe it. What the city means to them adds a wonderful layer to the setting.

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