Peace Dog


I’ve been thinking of a way I wanted to write this post. It’s been chipping away at my heart for years. I believe the best course of action is too come out and type the words.

I’m not gay. Not. At. All. I’m not even a little bit homosexual. My fashion sense fluctuates between awful and what the hell were you thinking when you left your closet? Until I met my wife, I thought decorating meant Christmas and Halloween. I had mismatched couches for almost two decades. I despise Barbara Streisand. Musicals make me want to punch walls and people. I’m pathetically straight.

I felt compelled to tell you this because it seems to a large part of the country, what a person does with their sexy time is important. Votes against gay marriage are justified by claims that letting same-sexes love each other the same way straight folks would create a slippery sloped ice bridge to marrying your pets or your sister or your Starbucks. I know some of you want to marry your morning coffee but come on, we all know the argument is dumb.

Yesterday, CNN’s lead anchor, Anderson Cooper told the world something it had already known since his days hosting The Mole Game Show. In an open letter to blogger Andrew Sullivan, he announced he was gay. Give the man credit for being a journalist who got his facts straight, ironic pun intended.

My personal experience with same-sex people didn’t begin until college. After picking up my burger and fries from The Ferguson Center at The University of Alabama, I headed to the student radio station where I was begging for airshifts. Standing in front of the Reese Phifer Building, on a hot August afternoon, two fellow aspiring female radio personalities exchanged a long, passionate kiss followed by a grope and some light petting. The prevailing thought was how it looked nothing like the stylistic scenes I had watched on Cinemax. Their public display of affection was a lot like mine that I have with my wife, sometimes. It was sloppy, weird, passionate, awkward, and brutally normal. Determined to break out of my sheltered suburban shell of eighteen years, I became close friends with the two. A month or so later I visited my first gay bar. The two things I took away from that experience were 1) the music is worse 2) the people are better.

Being a Christian and living in the deep south, I know I’m in the minority when it comes to being tolerant of homosexuality. That doesn’t stop me from becoming outraged at the level of ignorance that government, schools, other parents, and my own friends and family show. My children have no discomfort with same-sex friends of ours. My three daughters consider homophobia to be unacceptable hate. It’s my belief that when my youngest daughter, now two months shy of her eighth birthday, is my age, 41, her generation will view ours and our parents in the same way we see our grandparents regarding civil right of African-Americans.

The post is mostly me saying that the anti-gay attitudes have to stop. It’s about me telling anyone who reads My Blog Can Beat Up Your Blog that for a straight white Christian man with three daughters who can’t dress himself or tolerate the music Grease, I support gay marriage and the acceptance of anyone, regardless of their sexual preference.

I probably should play It’s Raining Men by The Weather Girls or some Erasure or perhaps Melissa Etheridge. But it’s my blog and even if I was having a party where the guest list was 99 percent gay, I’m still listening to my music. Ya’ll know how I am, get over it. My girl on girl kissing friends Angel and Laurel loved The Cult. We played the album Electric so much, I know we broke all three of our copies. Eventually we had a radio show together. They’d broken up by then but stayed friends. Laurel passed away five years later in 1993. At her funeral I was hoping the organist would break into Peace Dog.

Stop the hate and open your arms, straight or gay, for everyone. For now, rock out.


35 thoughts on “Peace Dog

  1. I like your open honesty here. I have a family member who is gay and I offer him all the love and acceptance I can give. Regardless of my personal beliefs on the issue, my cousin is a person, and all persons deserve to be treated with love and respect, regardless of their religion, color, gender, or sexual preference.

    I read a very interesting article recently written by a happily married Mormon. He has a heterosexual marriage yet came out of the closet several years ago. He writes a beautiful post answering many questions on his choice to honor God and yet accept his homosexual nature at the same time. He explains how he is happy in his marriage, etc. It was incredibly insightful. I think you would like it. if I find it again, I’ll send it your way.

  2. And just when I thought you couldn’t get any cooler.
    Great post yet again! This one is especially important to me because I am gay. Bi or pansexual to be exact.
    I love your outlook and the way you are raising your kids. Oh, and the song is pretty good too. Two thumbs up!
    I’m proud to know you. Even if you are straight. 😉

  3. When my parents divorced, my Dad would have been homeless. They both saw the split coming, but he did nada to prepare. Mom would have let him stay indefinitely, but it was infinitely better that he left. And he went to stay with a family friend and her then partner now wife. (No, they cannot legally wed in Ohio. This does not stop them from being married.) I’ll keep my rant short, though this one can get very lengthy. These are two of the most loving, generous people I know. One of them is a Christian. She does not feel that God has been telling her to not-be-gay her whole life. And I’m pretty sure that she thinks the people who think He has are assholes. But they live in an exceedingly small town, so she never talks about that. Anyway, it infuriates me that my sister could legally marry-then-divorce-then-string-along-by-his-pants my niece’s father, but these loving women can’t file jointly on their taxes. And that the reason is that a bunch of … hmmm… I’m sorry, I can’t think of a descriptor that doesn’t start with “fuck”… we’ll go with “fucked up jackasses” seem to have forgotten the importance of separating church and state. The adherents to the cult of Leviticus should probably check which other of these instructions our laws violate so that we can be purified as a nation.

    So, to be even more brief, oh yeah, I agree with you. Living in Montgomery, I’m in a similar minority. I’m not Christian, I’m liberal as hell, and fuck yeah I support same-sex marriage. And I am so proud of the growing ranks of my conservative Christian friends who are beginning to see that sexuality shouldn’t be dictated by religion, that political perspectives shouldn’t be dictated by sexual orientation (hello Log Cabin Republicans).

  4. The cultural climates are much different in the south than they are in the north, so you get double kudos from me for being up front with your thoughts. I quit tallying the number of straight vs gay/bi/pan people I know a very long time ago.

    I have seen the ignorance of struggles created from minds that refuse to accept something outside of their own preconceived ‘norm’, whether it has to do with sexual preference, or the type of music a person plays becomes null in the grand scheme of things. Generally speaking, people fear what they don’t understand. Rather than doing like you did, and actually stepping outside of your familiarity zone for further edification, they hide behind their ignorance and judge with a mallet the size of Texas. I’m glad the generations are finding a way to be more considerate of differences, maybe they will even embrace those differences as time continues to roll along.

    My rules are simple… “safe, sane, and consensual” and whatever you decide to do with your life, or your body is up to you.

    Great post Lance!

  5. Can you see me over here? ‘Cause I’m standing up and giving you a round of applause.

    Owen said the other day, “What’s the big deal about being gay? Just leave them alone. Why shouldn’t they get married.” If a 10-year-old can get it, why can’t so many adults get it. Sigh.

  6. Blows my mind when people lose their minds over “gays” and rant about their marriage. Get over it. I’m sure you were the same people who thought black people weren’t really people too back in the day. Heck, you probably still don’t. Idiots.

  7. I SO ❤ this post and you. You pepper a serious post with just the right amount of tongue in cheek humor and sarcasm. Every paragraph with every point hit perfectly – great how you write this 'real life' stuff so well.


    • eh, thanks. I think that’s because I’m always a little too punk rock for every room I’m in, I can find the sarcasm and the weight. but thanks…hurry up, Eden’s book

  8. It is very strange, coming from and living in the South, knowing that so many people I know and are related to can’t wrap their minds around the idea that it’s none of their business and that what gays do and don’t do has no effect on their own lives in any way. I know it’s not an exclusively Southern thing, but having the majority of my family feel different from me makes me feel like some of it is geographical/Southern Baptist.

  9. I hate that phrases like “being tolerant of homosexuality” and “gay marriage” (instead of just “marriage”) still have to be thrown around. That’s not a slight to you–I dig this post–but at society in general. I can’t wait until it’s not news that someone has found happiness and love with someone else in a non-violent, non-obtrusive truly genuine fashion. In other words, when they’re authentic and themselves.

  10. Since so many people have commented before me and have said all I could say, I’ll just leave you with, “I hear ya, man, and I’m with you.”

    Keep rockin’.

  11. Preach it brutha!

    It does my heart good that for both of my children, same-sex marriage, or anyone being LBGT, is a non-issue. Neither understands what all the fuss is about. Two adults love each other and want to get married, or adopt children, or, or, or… it’s a no brainer.

  12. I spent an afternoon a couple months ago walking around my entire neighborhood taking the anti-gay marriage political signs out of people’s yards and throwing them away.

    The refusal to tolerate love in such a massive spectacle of hate is a viral dichotomy between soured hearts and poisoned brains. That is the true sacrilege.

  13. TheKirCorner

    My greatest victory as a parent will be to have children that truly believe in equality for everyone and who don’t look at same sex couples as anything out of the normal. I have 7 ex boyfriends who have since come out of the closet after we dated, and many friends (women and men) who are gay, I love them all for who and what they are and not who they sleep with.

    if everything about me was measured by who I slept with (or used to) I’d be a very one dimensional (and quite possibly boring) person. Our sexual orientation is such a small part of what makes us feeling, thinking, HUMAN beings and shouldn’t be pushed to the front of the argument about values and family, not when so many people making these accusations are prime examples of it anyway.

    this was an incredible piece!!!

    p.s my only problem is that I’m so disappointed that you hate Musicals…I know lots of straight men who love Broadway, it doesn’t mean you’re any less “masucline” does it? :).

    • agree with every word, Kir. People breaking into song does nothing for me…at all.

      I’m glad our children will be more open-minded than our peers.

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