I feel like it’s time we talked about something very important. There’s no need for any of you to be uncomfortable. We’re all kind of, sort of, maybe, if you squint your eyes and tilt your head 32 degrees to the left; family, here. I feel like I have enough life experience and in the past 3 days I’ve done two Holiday meals with other members of my families, so, scoot in close to the computer and pay attention.
Do Not Do This.
I see your reaction. You’re all like “dude, I thought you were a panty waist, bleeding heart, half a commie liberal lefty whackadoo that likes the Affordable Care Act aka Obamacare. Shouldn’t you be promoting that?”
I don’t think you should spend your holidays talking to your family at all. The right thing to do is exchange pleasantries, smile, make sarcastic remarks, poke fun at your family with inside jokes and one liners that may go over each others heads, then find a comfortable seat and watch football or the least obnoxiously offensive Holiday movie selected by the least obnoxiously offensive relative and or friend. It they choose the overrated pap of It’s A Wonderful Life, talk them into Christmas Vacation or deal with football even if you’re not a sports fan but do not, under any circumstances, talk about healthcare, the new Iran nukes deal, or anything associated with intelligence, nuance and complicated thought.
Yesterday at one of my family’s Thanksgiving dinners (this year we have 3) my Aunt Madison (changed to protect her innocence and me against her lawsuit) asked me about my writing. That was nice. But she was the only one and that likely vaulted her ahead of several others for my favorite person I’m related. But no one I know shares my politics and if you’re reading me, it’s likely no one shares yours. So do not talk to your family about healthcare.
You know what I like about the holiday get-togethers? The fact that no one will discuss anything substantial with me, at all. The Holidays should be about food and gift cards and whoever is getting married, divorced, or knocked up. Sure, some of that flies in the demilitarized zone of healthcare.gov and the current insurance crisis, but smile, wave, and think of something banal to say, be kind, then stare at the television. This is what happy families do.
Let’s be clear. I support that commercial’s intent and design. But those are actors representing rare people who respect each others’ differences. They’re freaks. I like freaks. I’m a freak. But my family members are normal people. And they should have their six weeks of 1950s-like aura of drama-free existence and calorie pounding happiness. I support this 100 percent.
So, don’t talk to your family about healthcare. Shove your face into the middle of a pumpkin pie and let the tryptophan coma of turkey and whatever ham does to your nervous system, blind, deaf, and dumb you to what’s going on to the world.
It’s the Holidays. It’s Time To Get Ill.
Get a jump start on your Holiday shopping:
Are you looking for something interesting and music driven to read? I have two for you. My books, The Ballad of Helene Troy, an underdog story about a female musician in New York City, and Soul To Body, about an ex-1990s guitar player trying to raise his teenage daughter after the death of his wife, her mother, are available, digitally, on Amazon.com for your kindles, and in paperback from Lulu.com